I love sex , but if I had to choose between touching myself and letting my husband do it for me, more often than not, I'm going solo. After nearly 20 years of marriage, I have no reservations about owning what I want and how I want it in the bedroom, and doing it on my own when necessary. But owning this fact about myself was no easy feat. My husband and I met when we were 16 and married two years later — so in the early days of our marriage, when we were both young and uninitiated in the ways of good sex, I masturbated in secret. It wasn't that our missionary-romance was bad; it just wasn't enough to get me there.
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Statistics and Viewpoints on Masturbation in Marriage
When I first met my husband, he was a fun, confident, and affectionate person. He worked in sales and I was getting my personal training certification to launch a big career change. It was the second marriage for both of us, so we felt like we had learned a lot from our previous relationships to really make this one work. For a while, I believed we'd really make it—he'd take me to amazing dinners, on romantic weekend trips, and we'd spend hours talking and laughing. And sexuality was never an issue. He was the first one to crack a dirty joke and our physical chemistry was off the charts. Over time, though, our sex life changed. And by that I mean it became nonexistent. What once was us having sex at least a few times a week turned into one or two times a month, if I was lucky.
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Masturbation is very common among adults, yet is a challenging topic for many people to talk about. Masturbation is common even for those who are married. There are many myths about harms of masturbation, but according to the medical community, masturbation does not contribute to any known physical, mental, or medical problems. Experts advise that masturbation after marriage is okay as long as it does not interfere with your sexual intimacy with your partner. It is not unusual for men and women to masturbate in addition to regular sex with their partners. The most frequent qualm wives have about masturbation is knowing that their husband still masturbates despite regular sexual relationships together. Husbands usually have the opposite viewpoint. They would likely get very turned on by knowing that their wives masturbate or by watching, but the majority of wives feel uncomfortable about that. The website TheMarriageBed took an informal survey in , asking how often respondents had engaged in "self-stimulation to orgasm while not with one's spouse.